Them's The Rules

so, corinthians 7: 1-7, discussed. in my opinion. please comment if you agree/disagree on any of my takes on this.

¹ Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”

ok, so first off...it's ok to be single and celibate and just put all your energies toward God. this is encouraged several times in the bible, maybe most famously here, by Paul. but we're married folks talking on this blog, so we'll just keep right on reading.


² But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

but, hark! if you are so inclined to find companionship and to get jiggy wit it anyway, you should find one partner, marry him/her, and make with the sex together.


³ The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.

part of your contract as a spouse is that you will do your darndest to sex the other one up good. you should work hard to meet each others needs and to be on the same page sexually. it will be an integral part of your marriage and will bring you and keep you close.


⁴ The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

in fact, when you marry and you 'become one' this is often assumed to mean 'become one flesh' like when you're joined together in sexin'. you are agreeing to offer your body to your spouse and vice versa. this all comes down to trust. it's a lot to ask to give your body to someone else when it is something to precious and vulnerable to you. and to trust that they will treat your body right and not violate it; be respectful and loving and in pursuit of your pleasure, that's a lot. it's why the marriage relationship is so special and unusual. now, by saying that you both " do not have authority over your own body," does that mean you have to always be willing and available at your spouse's beck and booty call? no. of course not. if you're not up for it, not feeling good, not in the right mind frame, don't just do it because you feel like you have to. on the other (very important) hand, you should want to, more often than not. if you find yourself saying no (or if you're hearing no from your spouse) more often than yes, there is an issue and you need to discuss it lovingly, openly, and honestly. i know a lot of couples who have a "can't say no" policy where, basically, there has to be a big reason not to (again, illness, menses, etc). the theory goes that even when it sounds like sex is more effort than it's worth, you will both be glad you did it when you're done and feel closer, be friendlier to each other and in better harmony.


⁵ Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

now, another reason to do it more often than not, is that we all have desires that need to be filled. if you are feeling neglected by your spouse despite your best efforts at communication and building connection, it is understandable that you turn to masturbation to take care of sexual needs and may even be tempted to find another sexual partner who is more available/willing. now clearly, the latter is out of the question. any amount of physical (and emotional, too) straying from the marriage is not ok. you're breaking your contract and destroying your marriage vows. once that trust is broken it is very hard to come back. it should never get to that. if discussion and effort aren't making things better between you and your spouse, therapy might help. make sure your spouse knows how much you are missing them and hurting from their absence. but do not give up on each other and never seek what you're missing in someone else.

as far as masturbation, you might know more biblical reasons than i do why masturbation is the devil (or at least for SURE that campus preacher we used to have to deal with at school has a big bone to pick about it, maybe he'll write in- did you catch my pun there? did ya??), but as far as i'm concerned, it's a natural, healthy part of your sexuality. most of us had a relationship with ourselves before we did our spouse and will revisit that from time to time. provided your partner is not being left out because of this. if masturbation is interfering with sex with your spouse, it's an issue that needs to be addressed. but if it is augmenting your sex life and your partner is aware and on board with it, by all means. using porn to masturbate, however, whole other issue. we will tackle that in more detail later. but basically, i wouldn't encourage erotic feelings toward anyone but your spouse. and there's no love or God in those sexual relationships in porn, so it's a terrible example. plus, gross.

now when it says that you might deny each other for a short while with both of you in agreement and for the reason that you are devoting yourself to prayer...i think he's talking about a sexual fast. a food fast helps you to focus on God through deprivation, perhaps a sex fast would be the same type thing. i don't know. never tried it. let me know if you have and how it went.


⁶ I say this as a concession, not as a command. ⁷ I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

i think he's again saying that it's way better to be a single, devout man than to give in to your baser needs of sex and companionship with a spouse. but since this blog is for married/marrying people, we're all in the same basket of hoping we have other gifts from God because we don't want to be without our spouse's love and sex.

until next time, happy sexin', everybody!!

Nookie: Feels Good and Serves God

we're going to be breaking down the this passage in 1 Corinthians. stay tuned....


1 Corinthians 7: 1-7

¹ Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”² But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. ³ The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴ The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. ⁵ Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ⁶ I say this as a concession, not as a command. ⁷ I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.