He is the Cheese to My Macaroni.

"A loving doe, a graceful deer- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."Proverbs 5:19 (NIV)

apparently, all i need to do is eat venison and keep my boobs captivating and we'll be good for life?

my husband and my 8th anniversary passed this last week. and it got me thinking about the evolution of our sexual relationship in our marriage. these might only be insights into our relationship (and, consequently, might totally gross out the people who know us personally), but i think there are some universal truths here, too.

let me just reassure any newly weds out there that, for us anyway, sex just gets better the longer we're married. we totally disagree with the stereotype that if you count the # of times you have sex in the first year, it will equal the number of times you have sex distributed over the entire rest of your marriage. (said more eloquently by roger sterling on "mad men"). we are a better couple now than when we first got married- we enjoy each other more, understand each other more. and since life has tossed us some things we've had to handle together, we've proven our worth to each other. so we're more open, more expressive, more honest and trusting with our sex than we've ever been before. and as far as frequency...people always ask nervously how often other married couples are 'doing it' to make sure they're normal...there is no "normal," but, our experience has been that sex begets more sex. if it's been a while and you have some sex, chances are good you remember how great it is and you have more. and then more. and then soon you're the envy of all your friends. (not that that is the goal. or that you should necessarily be sharing all the intimacies with your buddies, but you know...).

but sex hasn't always been easy. our first year of marriage was a real challenge. we seemed to be out of rhythm all the time. one of us would want it more often and feel rejected when the other denied it, and we seemed to go back and forth in both of those roles. we'd feel hurt and then try to regain some pride/control by playing mind games with the other one. it was not much fun. pretty miserable, actually. lots of feelings were hurt and it took a long time and many hours of painful and extremely raw, embarrassing conversations to work it all out.

and we've been pretty good since then, but occasionally we're still out of sync and it takes a while to get back into it. the great thing about having been together for over 13 yrs now (between dating and marriage) is that we have seen enough ups and downs in our relationship to know that the ups will come again and that the downs won't kill us.

i know a lot of people when facing the idea of getting married and having some sex with their spouse for the first time worry about this magical thing called "sexual chemistry." i'd say don't worry. it's all kind of ridiculous. you adore each other and love each other for your conversation, sense of humor, shared hobbies, interests, goals, and definitely experiences and memories. so naturally, you will also enjoy each others sexin'. but don't be surprised that it will take some work and discussion to determine what you both do/don't like and what your expectations are. and don't forget... you really like each other! so you very much want to please the other one- this is one of the greatest things about married sex. you have trust and openness and you'll have tons of time to practice to get it right!

so we've been making with the sex for a long time now and it's better all the time. part of why i find him so attractive is that i know his heart inside and out now and i know how devoted and loving he is to me. plus, he's totally hot. i still look at him across the room and think "that looks delicious. i want me some of that."

:)