It's Starting to Make Me Feel Like a Pervert That I'm the Only One Who Ever Wants to Talk About Sexin'

so. we just went to this church marriage conference- my hubby posted his criticisms and concerns about the message that was given in the last post. and i agree with pretty much all of that.

the thing that i found most constructive, but also most frustrating, was their take on communication between the sexes. (because, in case you haven't read much of this blog yet, everything i ever say comes back to AND THEN TALK TO EACH OTHER.)

it wasn't all bad. in fact, there were parts of it that were pretty good. very practical reminders about the mars/venus communication stuff. men speak in 'respect' terms and feel impugned when dismissed or not recognized. women speak in 'love' terms and feel unloved if not shown affection and admiration. sometimes marriage gets boring. sometimes it feels like you're doing all the work for both of you. no problems are fixed in a day, etc, etc. this is all very user-friendly advice.

but they also presented a pretty stereotypical picture of the sexes in how they communicate. men don't listen. women nag. men are all ego, women are all 'tell me i'm pretty.' women just can't shut up and men are loath to listen to more than 3 words strung together at a time. men only want sex. women never want sex.

i hate to think we're all neanderthals and bitch-nags, but what do i know? maybe there's a bit of that in almost all male-female relationships? (i sat there thinking- what about in female-female relationships and male-male relationships? i wonder if it's easier/harder/just different that both partners allegedly communicate in a more similar fashion? anyone have thoughts on that?)

so i'm trying to analyze the relationships i know that work really well. how do they talk to each other? what makes someone stay together forever and ever and not kill each other and bury the body in the backyard in that shaded spot under the big oak tree just this side of our fence?

....

my grandparents just celebrated their 67th wedding anniversary. my grandpa, age 90, said this about it on facebook, "After 67 years, she will still kiss me. A pretty good marriage."

it's so incredibly darling and inspiring. and also fanTASTIC that, after nearly 7 decades of being married, and almost a century of living, he's still worried about getting some. :)

i love them. they're one of my models for marriage. their banter between them is so sensational- they're best friends and tease each other for hobby. he adores her and does all kinds of ridiculous things to show her. and she lets him. they really admire and give each other a lot of respect. they speak well of each other and talk to each other about everything, all the time.

so i think that's the answer to the riddle- they communicate well with each other. but, also...sex. 

and that's all i'm going to say about my grandparents and sex. ever again. 

but you KNOW it's not all i'm going to say about sex in general. because i'm the crazy Christian lady who thinks we should be talking about sex A LOT in the church. especially at marriage conferences! 

and i was so relieved when we got there and found that there was a whole lecture dedicated to the topic! albeit, the boys and girls were going to be split off to opposite sides of the middle school gym for their lectures- but STILL it was going to be addressed!

but instead they talked about spiritual warfare and how heterosexual marriages are our best defense against it.

i'll be honest, i face-palmed in my head. sex is SO important to a happy, functioning marriage. and they skipped talking about it all together! i kind of think many participants at the marriage conference were there to really get some practical pointers on how to improve things. and about how to be more Godly within their marriage. i know we were. and you can't talk about marriage and love without talking about good, good lovin'!

and let me admit that i don't give a lot of thought about the devil (i know, that's his sneaky plan, i got it). and i'm sure there could be days spent in lecture on that topic alone. but in a marriage conference that spans only about 8 hours of lecture time, i think talking about happily married sex would have gained a lot more traction with the participants.

so i find myself again frustrated. if our church, a cool church, liberated from traditional churchy churchness- church, can't even talk about marital sex at a conference dedicated to talking about marriage- where does sex exist in the church??

only in admonitions about porn or abstinence? shoot. i just feel like we're failing.

where do we go from here?